i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
