I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
