Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
