yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
