Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize