don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
