My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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