and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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