I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
