I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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