i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
