is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
