the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
