Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
