he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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