I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
