My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
