I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck appropriateness.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize