stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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