I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
