Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
