so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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