it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
