i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
