i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
