worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
