I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
