I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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