And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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