Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
