Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
