yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
