like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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