She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
