He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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