Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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