I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
