I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize