i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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