Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
40s are totally the cure
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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