rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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