The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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