The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
