i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
