So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
