My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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