I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
