I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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