Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
