im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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