I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
