you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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