my phone needs a breathalizer
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
