If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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