Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
