i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
