somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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