I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
