I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
