Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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