i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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