So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
