Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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