My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
