She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
