I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
