so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
