Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
