I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize