Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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