So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
