Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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