I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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