maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
