so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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