there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize