Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
