mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
