weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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