Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I sprained my soul last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
