Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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