I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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