I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
