last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
