Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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