We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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