it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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