In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
