Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
