She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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