Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
