Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
