New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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