i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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