whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
