it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
