Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
