Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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