i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
