I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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