wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
